As the month of April approaches with the spring rain and cold wind intends to wake up the earth, my heart was awoken by a certain man whom I met when my belief in love slowly fade away from the face of the earth.
This men is special, not because he has different look than I do. As a matter of fact, we have much in common. We quickly drew to each other despite the distance that separates us apart, not to mention that he was suffering a severe sickness that forced him to take a week leave from work. The task to focus and type while fighting the fever or cold was no easy joke. However, he tackled it with no complaint but fervent gentleness and calmness to express his affection for me. I was moved and touched by his conviction, not just the confession of his love for me. But, most importantly, his passion for life. He wants a life that is so simple yet so desirable. It is the life that fills with happiness and joy. It is the life that fills with laughter and hope. It is also the life that fills with anguish and victory.
In his life, he triumphed through obstacles that were evidently depressing and dreadful. Many if challenged by the same trials that he faced before will surely shrink and give up, perhaps lost all hope for love. Yet, he conquered them. He rised from the other side of the trials with his heart still believing in love, shinning through his deeds.
I was drawn to that light. It's the light that warmth my heart, melts away my icey cold rational belief that burried my hope for love for almost 6 years now. All these years, I've learned to subject my love only to those whom I believe dearly. I was, without a doubt, a man who has forgotten, perhaps lost, the taste of love, even if there's a dust of love, it cannot surmount to a power for me to love others. So, I became doubtful when he gives me love.
Knowing that I have became such a difficult person, he did not ask for more, only know that he has to give in order to light a sparkle of hope in my heart. His giving was kind and generous. Though far apart, he diligently build the bridge with his trust and care that connects us. Finally, he trust me enough to let me has his phone number.
Immediately, after that trust was build, I unintentionally, perhaps cruely, crashed the bridge that connects us. It was a Sunday evening around 21:00 hrs when I was ready to slumber into a dreamy land with the love he gave me early that day while he was working extra hours at work. It was a call from James, whom the company outsource the TV project to his company. James knew very well that I seldom, almost don't, answer phone call on Sunday from anybody else other than my boss. But, I surprised him by answering and agree to meet him and his girl friend in hope to help his girl friend with her english. I was in such a state of happiness when I agreed to him that I would go out and meet them.
Knowing that he was at work missing me, I texted him and told him that I was going into a "meeting" at work. I was naive to believe that when he got my message, he would feel better, at least some degree of comforness when he knew that he is not the only one that has to work on a lovely Sunday. Little did I know that my text would become such a manace to our fragile but real relationship. My text betrayed me unintentionally and turned me into a liar.
My text also hurted him and cost his trust for me.
So, to this man, I offer my upmost apologize and sincere love to you. I have never intended to hurt you nor destroy our relationship. I pray for a miracle. A miracle that he would soften his heart at the present of my honest and true affection for him.
I love you!
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