Second chance?

Love is such a funny thing, isn't it?
It does hit you when you are least expected.
Well that saying happened on me.
A few months ago, I've found love.
We had so much fun together.  We watched movie together, dine together, drink together, and most importantly we share intimacy together.
Unfortunately, the last part wasn't true.  I was constantly being haunted by the fear that my love had found someone else online and will leave me any moment now.  Sometimes, I can't bear thinking that I'm sharing my love with another man who only care about sex.
Many feelings rush through my mind right now.  Gosh, I'm so confuse and sad.  But, mostly, I'm very disappointed.  Surprisingly, I'm not angry or mad.
Some said that's because I still have feeling for the love.  That is why I'm getting all these funny and weird feelings clashing and mixing with each other in the most unharmonious way you can possibly imagine.
Am I really still in love with him? ..... Maybe I am ..... maybe I am .....

Where are you?

It's almost been a year now that I last check into my blog. It's kinda funny how little things in life that seem so trivial to you are actually the things that you work so much on. Things like getting to work and leaving work on time, eating properly because I'm trying to gain a few more pounds, worrying about what I'm going to do with my spare times, etc, etc, etc.

You see, my life has put on a big halt when I don't have a clear and positive purpose to work for. I used to dream big and wanting so many things in my life. But, I don't know where and when it started, or even how. I just settle for less. I started to compromise with the things that could practically slow me down on my journey to fulfill my dream.

I'm not excited about my life anymore.

One day, I was riding on my bike home. While driving, flashes of memories started to emblaze in my mind like a picture slide show. Those flashes were good memories. His face was in it too. I didn't know what's the meaning of this flashback. So, I moved on without paying much attention to it. Just as I about to set my heart to it, something whispered to my heart "Where are you right now?"

It hits me! It hits me so hard like I was struck by a thunder bolt hurled by Zeus himself.

Now, I know where am I and what I need to do to get myself out of this comfort zone of dismay. Just you wait. One day, I'll achieve my big dream.

Brian, Happy be-lated birthday! I know it's pointless to say this right now coz you don't even read this blog. But, that's how I like it, perhaps must have it this way, you forget about my existence while I continue to love you with all my heart. Have a great bday, Big eyes!

Subtle Rejection

At first, it started out as I've always planned......
Dinner, one or two, then that's it ......
Never thought that it would become something on-going ......
Up until today, we've had lunch and dinner together many times ......
Besides that, you would call to learn new words or idioms ......
You would do the samething at lunch and dinner ......
Somewhere between those lines, I started to look forward for the time we would get together for lunch or dinner ......
And,
in a very unusual way, I look forward to hear from you ......
I look forward to hang out with you ......

Everytime you walked into a room, you brighten it up with your smile ......
and your silly jokes, not to mention your passion for gossips ......
Most importantly, your passion to learn the language ......
It gives me hope ......
It gives me reason to believe ......
It gives me the courage to achieve ......
Despite the difference between the cultures, you fight to excel in your endeavors ......
because surviving it will not be satisfactory to you ......
Again,
Somewhere between those lines,
I look forward to become your friend,
in a very unusual way ......

However,
I'm glad it is over ......
Last night, I received the answer ......
I knew it all along ......
But,
I didn't have the determination ......
This time, I took that answer with me ......
and burst myself out of the bubble ......

Thank you, in a very unusual way ......
You made me see what I'm worth of ......

Happy Birthday~!

I signed in into my hotmail today and got an alert message from it telling me that it is your birthday today.
How long has it been since we last thinking about each other?
......
Does it matter anymore?
......
But, still, I want to get this across to you~
Happy birthday, big eyes!
......
And one more thing, big eyes,
I've never been bitter about our separation ......
because everytime I think about you ......
good and sweet memories vividly emblazzing in my mind ......
......
Sorry, I have to be cruel in my last email to you
I can't imagine what are you thinking about me
All I know, is that I gave you the reason to set yourself free from me
So, I want you to be strong and happy
And I wish you love
......
Oh guess what, big eyes?
I'll always have your back no matter what ......
Love,
Jaston

Be strong

It's 15mins to 0300 hrs ......
Michael Buble is singing "Home" in the background ......
I'm sitting infront of the computer wondering and worrying ......
Is he alright?
Has the challenge at work really pulled him down?
Is he in solitude?
Has he received my mails & messages?
I pray that things will work out for him
I will do my best to cheer him up
Soon, I'll be able to calm him with my present
Hang in there and be strong
I'll be here
Love ......

Faith ......

Just finished a local taiwanese movie with my friends ...
Retrieved back to my room, looking at the clock ...
It's 01:31 in the morning
Starts to wonder what could happen right now
......
It's the 5th day now since we last chatted, enjoying each other company
Felt uneasy and some what scared
We were laughing together, sharing dreams together, even understanding each other feelings together
......
Friends worried about us and try to cheer me up
I appreciate their sympathy and felt blessed to have them around me
......
They are anxious to know if I have gotten any respond from him these couple of days
I told them that time will heal the wound, perhaps prove that I was sincere and honest
Some tried to make me feel better by passing bias and unfair judgment on him
I defended that they don't know him like I do
and that I believe and have faith that he will come around
understand that it was nothing but a misunderstanding, perhaps a trial
A trial that will pull us closer together
So, I have to be strong for him when he is down
Now, they see my love for him
They start hoping together with me
wishing him well and hope he'll break through the negativities
Perhaps, they, too, have faith in him like I do in him
......
Thank you for your guys' support and love
......
"Don't worry, he'll come around." whispered my heart to my soul
......

Tell him ......

5 years ......
the number can never come close enough to describe the feelings you have right now;
the number can never calculate the blessing you have received so far;
the number can never measure the love you guys have shared together;
I don't know how to comfort you for i'm, myself, a looser at love

But, it's like you said:
Should everything falls, there's one thing that we can always count on you Jaston, is you always come around and you know what matters most - love ......

So, to you my dear friend, whom I love so much and is struggling in your relationship right now, this I say to you from the bottom of my heart:

Love is for the strong and the brave
Hope for love, faith will come along as you find hope, bit by bit